Death Cab For Cutie
by Femmeferal
Summary: Will decides that he needs to introduce a new guest to the Glee club, one Rachel Berry. As the two become reaquainted Will learns some shocking truths about his ex-student. Schueberry. Blurt. Rating for later chapters.
1. Doors Unlocked and Open

**Doors unlocked and Open**

It was no secret that Will Schuester was in an extremely good mood. Any teacher in the lounge or student in the hall would be relieved to see that no rainy day quiz would be given in Spanish today. Though he probably wouldn't admit it to anyone who asked, he knew the exact reason for his positive change in demeanor. It was all going to become clear by 2:30. Practice this year had been made into an elective thanks to the increasing demands by students willing to be a part of the show choir. The students involved in the senior level classical choir had started to grow jealous of the fact that New Directions was getting more and more attention and eventually overshadowing their already small window of attention. Though they were still not on par with the sports programs, every student who was aware that McKinley had fine arts programs was aware of New Directions. Will walked among the halls smiling at the children who stared at him like he had been given a drink with an illegal topper. Last hour lunch was almost over, and then the Glee Club would meet for the day. He didn't think the practice room was unlocked, not to mention, he had learned a long time ago to be in the room before the students started to enter.

The past two years at McKinley had been a slow hard adjustment for Will. The fact of the matter was, he missed his old kids. It was hard to form a family group and watch them disperse like dandelion seeds. It was even harder realizing that just because he had been able to form a family out of New Directions part one, didn't mean that the new members would get along just as easily. Or at all for that matter. The club consisted of kids that had displayed talent initially, but in the past two years they had grown lazy and lethargic in class. It was depressing to come into class smiling with new sheet music and watch them all shrug in indifference. Glee Club had no value to these kids. Hopefully today would change all of that. Though his students had changed, Will certainly hadn't.

It took him only a few moments to realize that the practice room doors were already wide open. He walked towards the open doors, a little hesitant in case some club had signed up to use the room this hour and he had not been informed. Though their popularity was growing, they were still an arts program…

"Hello?"

Standing in the door way he could see that the chairs had been set up. They were empty…no students or teachers to be seen. He let his gaze cross the rest of the room and finally found who must have been responsible for the open doors. If he hadn't known she was coming, he would have sworn it was Shelby Corcoran. Her raven hair had grown out long and fallen into heavy curls at her elbows. She had gotten a few inches taller, and her wardrobe had developed from short school girl skirts and cardigans to a professional black pencil skirt and a white tunic shirt. His smile was already lighting up his features, a laugh escaping his mouth. Her grin followed as she folded her hands in front of her.

"Hi, Mr. Schue."

He moved forward and they met halfway between the piano and the door in a friendly embrace, laughing at the sight of each other. When they broke apart, Will could not take his eyes off of her. She had changed so much…

"Rachel!...Wow!" He couldn't stop smiling "You look incredible!"

She bowed her head and swept a strand of hair behind her ear, laughing a little as she did so.

"Well thank you, Mr. Schue."

He blanched "Call me, Will."

She smiled and laughed, giddy with the moment. Both of their energies bouncing off of one another. This moment was so surreal. To see her standing here all grown up after just two years …it seemed like so much longer. He let his hands rest inside his pockets.

"Well how have you been Rachel? I haven't heard much except that you're living with Kurt in the city."

Her own hands rested on her hips. Even in this commanding gesture she seemed so much more relaxed. Her smile was easy and happy. There was no rush behind her words or in the way she tilted her head while she spoke.

"Oh yes! He wanted to come too but he's gotten into a show." She crossed her arms and waved a nonchalant hand, "You know him. He sends his love."

Will shook his head with a smile "Same old Kurt, then?"

She laughed again. That laugh…he was so impressed by her.

"Yup! Same Kurt. I actually just got cast in 'Angels'. It's a musical based on Adam and Eve's banishing from the Garden of Eden. Rehearsals start next month though so I have plenty of time to visit here for a while before the hard work begins. It's going to be on Broadway."

He smiled. There was that matter of fact tone. All professional when it came to her talent. It was a relief to see some part of her hadn't changed. "I never doubted you would make it Rachel." His grin turned to a knowing smile. "It was inevitable."

She smiled at him with her eyes this time. Small in her lips but her eyes sparkled with thanks. She turned then, taking a few steps around the room, then moving back to the piano and sitting behind it. He watched her as she laid her hands upon the ivory keys, playing out the first bar of Fur Elise before turning back up to him. Wide brown eyes.

"What about you, Will?"

The name made him smile warmly. His hands still in his pockets, he gave a casual shrug, using his head to gesture around the room. "This is pretty much it. Trying to get another Glee club to band together."

"You can do it, Will. If you could do it with us, you can do it with anyone."

He wanted to ask her more. Whether she had heard from the other members, how she came across her role, whether she was living in the city itself. But at that moment the bell rang and Will realized he had better prepare what he was going to tell the class.

"Okay, Rachel this is what I have in mind."

It was almost funny how abrupt her change was. From lazily plunking keys, to sitting at attention, long legs crossed at the ankle, hands resting in her lap, as focused as an actress memorizing her lines.

"The kids are having trouble with work ethic. They don't know what they can get out of Glee. All of the things it can do for them. They have talent but they're reluctant to show it, so maybe you could talk to them and sing a song."

She smiled and nodded as the first group of students entered and noisily took their seats on the far back risers. "Leave it to me, Will." She said in a sly whisper. He gave her a thumbs up and moved to his stool in the center of the room, leaving her to sit on the piano chair.

He shuffled his sheet music as he sat, chancing glances at Rachel from the corner of his eye. She had changed in ways he never would have imagined. Not just physically but…in other ways too. Ways he couldn't place. A look in her eye and something in her step. In two years she had accomplished so much, already on the verge of everything she wanted and he found that he was jealous of her ambition.

There was two minutes until the late bell would ring, and the majority of the class was in their seats, talking in their two-person cliques, quietly. None of the loud comradery of their predecessors. Rachel was smiling at them shyly. He had never seen a shy smile from Rachel. This was an opportunity he wasn't going to miss. As the bell rang he stood and walked towards Rachel. Her doe eyes gazed up at him in question once again and he smiled down on her, a questioning look of his own to give.

"Do you have any plans after this? Maybe we could get coffee? I want to hear more about New York."

She smiled and nodded briefly before he smiled and turned to address his class.

* * *

><p>All of the tittle chapters are from the authors of the story's namesake. Theres a reason for this but it wont be apparent until later. As always, reviews are appreciated. I don't write much in this person so I know there will be a few mistakes in the writing. Its in a different style than my other stories but I wanted to see if I could do this. Interesting plot twists in this particular story. I plan to take my time with this one as far as the length, though I don't imagine it will exceed ten chapters. Then again, who knows? thank you so much to all of you who reviewed on my other stories, Its extremely flattering that you like the writing. I hope you like this one too!<p> 


	2. Little Bribes

**Little Bribes**

She couldn't help but blush at his invitation. It was almost like one of her favorite Streisand movies 'The Way We Were." Where the beautiful leading actress (Barbra of course) falls in love with a sweetheart from school who only notices her years later when they run into each other. He falls madly in love with her. Granted…He also doesn't notice her romantically the first time they meet again even after he stays in her apartment and has sex with her while he's sleepi-ok yeah maybe it wasn't like that at all.

She had to admit that this meeting couldn't have gone any better if she had written out scripts for it. She had been nervous on the way here. Nervous that he would be cordial and afraid of her like he used to be. She couldn't blame him; life interacting with other people had shown her what a hard person she was to get along with. She should have been in Broadway a lot sooner than she was, but personality mattered, and no director wanted to work with a diva who hadn't hit her million mark yet. Though she had grown, she still thrived on dramatic situations like this. She was having fun already.

Will turned and addressed the class in the same way he used to address her and her classmates. Though the response was different. They continued talking, some of them. The disrespect in the room was as thick as butter and she felt impatience with the students. She could understand teenagers, she had been one once after all. Before her years of growing. Ok well if she was being honest with herself she was just shy of being a teenager by a year. Though she could understand their age, she had never been able to understand those who didn't have respect for the arts. It was inhumane to her.

"Ok class there is a guest with us here today." The talking stopped, all attention on her. The way she liked it. "This is Rachel Berry. She was my student in the Glee Club before you guys showed up." There was still silence in the room, some of the boys were grinning in her direction but she pretended to ignore them. "It's clear to me that you guys don't have a lot of respect when it comes to this club. Most of you haven't even started learning your sheet music for sectionals in a week!" Rachel gasped. The sound was real to her, but to the class it was a crack at Will and they laughed. He rolled his eyes and didn't meet her gaze and she felt the blush rise on her cheeks. "Guys I'm serious. Glee is about being a family and you guys aren't even close…after two years!...I invited Rachel here to show you and talk to you about all of the things Glee can do for you." He gestured to her and she rose, taking the spot in the center of the floor.

"Hi guys, so first I want you guys to tell me what other social clubs you're involved in." Various voices called out to her "Football, I'm here for an easy A.", "Dance", "Choir", "Theater", "Basketball" She nodded. "So Glee comes second to all of those things, right?" Silence. This lack of active participation was killing her. "Have you ever stopped to consider why?" Silence again, the students looking at one another with shrugs. She smiled. "Glee comes second to those things because there are people in this group that you wouldn't normally talk to outside of this room." Nods "I know, I was in this group when we had cheerios who joined." A few people laughed and smiled knowing the impossibility of that idea. "It's the hardest thing you'll do in high school to not care what other people think about you. And you'll hear every adult here tell you to do it a million times, except maybe Sue Sylvester." A laugh "The point is guys, is that this club can do great things for you. It took us to New York City." That got a reaction. The class started grinning and talking with excitement. With a room full of athletes she tried a card her teacher had used on her and her classmates once. The outcome then hadn't been good, but it might be just what this class needed to find the proper motivation.

"Right now I live in New York City. I'm singing on Broadway next month, and none of that would have happened if it hadn't been for this club." True more or less. "Mr. Schue tells me that you guys really don't care about singing." A few of the students looked offended. "So you should try and prove him wrong. That is, if you can sing."

She turned to Will who was already at the piano, the sheet music he had in his hands earlier was sitting and ready to be played. She smiled at him and he began to play the introduction. She turned to the class. Show time.

"I'd Rather be blue.

Thinking of you

I'd rather be blue, over you"

She sang jazzy and smooth, hands on her thighs. Rachel had learned a few things about characterization.

"Then be happy with somebody else"

She moved slowly backwards (cheating out to her audience) towards the piano where Will was. She hoisted herself up in one quick motion to sit on the back of the piano, slightly to the side so that Will's face could still be seen.

"I'm crazy about cha without cha"

She looked at her audience under hooded eyes and a wicked smirk

"for you I'm strong.

I can't do without cha."

She turned to look at Will and raised a hand to the side of her face as if she was sharing a secret with her audience, pointing her thumb in Will's direction and raising a brow

"Howcha magoucha?" the class laughed

"Don't stay too long."

Her hand slid up her arm in a sultry manner

"I need a little 'ah little 'ooh' little 'oh'

And I'm knocking on wood"

She knocked on the piano four times

She smiled and looked at Will, directing the song at him

"Ah, honey hurry up, hurry up, hurry up  
>it's so hard to be good"<p>

She rolled her shoulders toward him, her hair dangling in sexy ringlets.

She jumped down again and moved along the edge of the class who was smiling and watching her excitedly, some of the boys a little too excitedly.

"I'd rather be blue

Thinking of you

I'd rather be blue over you

Than be happy with somebody else"

She let her finger play In her lips as she moved in front of them, smiling slightly

"Will I be good will I be bad

Don't be a fool you fool."

She stopped and swayed her hips in time with her words

"My little flat

I'm turning that

Into a Sunday school."

She moved among them between the isles and then back down to the floor

"While you're away

I'm here to say

There'll be no iceman there"

She shimmied down, hands on her shoulders like she was shivering.

She moved back up and slowly backed towards the piano

"Singing the blues I'm gonna use nothing but frigid air!"

She let that last part loose, spinning as she sang the last phrase.

She looked at her audience and put her hands on her hips, slightly kicking out her legs as she moved forward. Not too much though, as to avoid showing too much through her skirt.

"I'd rather be blue

Thinking of you

I'd rather be blue over you

Than be happy with somebody else."

She let the 'else' hang long as was traditionally done in Barbra's version of the song. She turned to her audience, pointing at various students on each 'you'

"I'd rather be blue over you

I'd rather be blue over you

Than be hap-hap-hap-happy

With somebody else!"

A long note on else clear and loud and trademark of Rachel's talent.

There was silence when she'd finished and she grinned as it eventually broke into applause. She had always wanted that dramatic pause as the audience took in the magnificence of what had just happened to them. Will was behind her laughing as he moved forward to stand beside her. The class was cheering and clapping in the way that high-schoolers love to do and she just smiled and bowed, slightly out of breath from her performance. Will clapped her on the shoulder as he addressed the class.

"See guys, this is exactly the kind of thing that Glee can give you. Confidence! And actually-" he let his sentence hang as he went to the back of the class and withdrew the old prop top hat, complete with the names of everyone in the class in tiny pieces of paper inside of it. "I have an assignment for all of you. You will each draw a name out of the hat. The name on the slip of paper will be your duet partner. Each of you will perform a duet of any genre, the ones who do the best, will get to sing it at sectionals."

After the class had divided up with their partners, Will told them to get to work deciding what kind of song they wanted to sing for the rest of the class period. Rachel had retreated back to her seat at the piano. When all of the students were busy talking to one another, he moved towards her and leaned close, his arm resting on the piano and his face inches from hers in a whisper. Her heart rate quickened.

"Rachel that was amazing…I never thought you could become a better singer than you were but. I'm just blown away. Thank you, for helping with the kids."

A soft quick smile flashed on her face, the proximity still affecting her as she tried desperately to look at his eyes and not his lips…

"It's no problem Mr. Sch- Will."

He smiled and for a moment she thought she saw his eyes glance down at her lips before he backed away and went back to sit on his stool. They shared minimal conversation for the rest of the class period.

* * *

><p>I have always wanted Rachel to sing that song...its one of my absolute favorites and I think her voice would do well with it. I hope it wasn't too confusing, Ive never tried to insert action into a song stanza before. The next chapter is written but I want to see how these two go over first. So review! 111 views and 5 reviews just doesn't add up.<p> 


	3. Your Bruise

**Your Bruise**

Rachel watched him as he took a bite of the green tortilla wrap. Though Will was all for the big life in the big city, trying new things was not something he did very often. She looked nervous and hopeful all at once.

"Do you like it?"

He tasted the food for a while, chewing it and realizing that it was pretty good. Different, but not in a bad way. The definitive phrase of his day. Being unable to speak, he gave her a thumbs up and she smiled, clasping her hands together in front of her face in victory.

"I'm so glad! It's hard to find Vegan options in the middle of a place like Lima, but 'The Meeting Place on Market' is always here." She smiled fondly as she poked her fork into her autumn salad. "My dads used to bring me here when I was little."

He finished his bite, washing it down with ice water before he looked at her, interested. "How are they?" She smiled up at him "They're doing good. They just got back from their semi-annual vacation in Fiji." She took a bite, hiding her mouth with her hand as she quickly added, "Thank you for asking." He smiled at her and, not ready to try and grab the rather messy wrap again, continued with the conversation.

"So how are you liking the city?"

She finished her bite and smiled down at her plate, love shining in her eyes. The answer was obvious in her expression.

"It's everything I dreamed it would be most days. Some days it almost kills me…" she looked at him then, square and honest "But I really love it." He smiled, trying not to let envy cloud his features. For now he just tried to be happy for her and get his mouth back around his wrap. She smiled and took another bite herself. As he chewed he thought about her comment and realized how menacing it sounded. He also couldn't help but realize that she seemed relaxed, though guarded. If he had been with the old Rachel, one question would have fired off the entire tale of her life in the city. This girl was still excited, but the excitement was hidden. Masked by something he couldn't see. Almost sad…

His examination of her was cut off by her own inquiring mind, and maybe it was because he had been thinking to himself, but it sounded like she was trying to change the subject and draw attention away from herself.

"Aside from Glee club how has your life been?"

"There's a life outside of Glee?"

He laughed and she smiled widely, though she still waited for his answer. The thing was…he didn't know how to answer that question. Glee and his Spanish class were pretty much all he had going on these days. Emma had left Lima last year. She was improving, but travel was the last step in her recovery, in order for her to find herself…the thought of her wide eyes saying goodbye still kept him awake sometimes wondering what could have happened between them if she hadn't left…wondering if she was ever coming back…

"Mr. Schue?"

He met her concerned gaze. Her brow was crinkled in the most serious manner. Her amount of concern over something so small made him smile and he realized what he must look like staring off at nothing. "I'm sorry Rachel. There just isn't much these days aside from things at the school." She nodded, taking the hint that his life was off the table when it came to conversation topics. He smiled at her "and call me Will."

She smiled then, blushing as she realized her mistake. "Right…I'm sorry it's just strange." She paused "Well, hard to get used to anyway." He nodded and took another bite of his wrap hoping she would take control of the conversation. He wasn't disappointed.

"I hope my demonstration in class today wasn't too much. I took a few notes from Ms. Holliday's lesson plan. It was effective on the less attentive members of Glee back in junior year and I was worried that your students would write me off if I wasn't sufficiently impressive. I saw how disrespectful they were to you when you spoke and it gave me a little bit of…bite."

He smiled and finished his mouthful before responding.

"Rachel it was magnificent. I think you finally got through to them. If I see active participation I might have to convince you to put a hold on your career to come assist me in teaching." She smiled and shook her head. They both knew that would never happen. Will took another bite, letting the silence sit for a moment. Magnificent was certainly an understatement…he didn't want to even acknowledge the fact that Rachel Berry now had legitimate sex appeal.

"So what do you do in New York? Working in between shows I mean."

She let the ghost of a smile grace her features and glanced up at him apprehensively.

"You're going to laugh." He raised a brow. Now she had to tell him. She sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear once again. There was a blush rising on her cheeks and he found himself watching the way the color traveled to the exposed area on her collar bone.

"I was a waitress at a bar" He did smile. The job itself was not uncommon or amusing, but imagining a very confident and sometimes stuck-up Rachel serving drunk men after hours was an amusing thought. She let the corners of her mouth lift, grudgingly. "See? I told you." She took another bite of greens.

"You said it in the past tense; did you leave because of the show?"

For a moment he thought she hadn't heard him. He looked up to find her pale and staring off into the distance. He was alarmed at first, until she caught his eye and the discomfort in her features was gone as quickly as it had come. "I-" she smiled "Yes. Because I got into the show and had rehearsals I couldn't keep the job. I saved up enough to get by until the show starts paying me regularly."

Her silences were starting to unsettle him. Though less than popular, Rachel had never been shy. In fact, her enthusiasm and loud nature were often key factors to her not having a lot of friends. He thought maybe this was why she had changed, but somehow he doubted it. The way she kept her legs always crossed at the ankle. The way her hands were always adjusting some part of her person or else occupied with the task at hand. He thought he had seen a more relaxed Rachel, but that was only because she didn't sit up straight as a pin or feel the need to force her opinion out. Her nerves had just started to show themselves in a different way.

"You've changed, Rachel." He hadn't meant to say it out loud, but the words had spilled from his mouth before he knew they were in his head. She looked up at him, their eyes meeting. She smiled quickly, a nervous gesture as she tilted her head, glancing away and then back. "Is that bad?" he thought about the question for a while, wondering if he could be honest with her, and he figured he at least owed her that. "I'm not sure yet."

She smiled again and tilted her head back down, filling her mouth with another forkful of greens and purples. He took a big bite of his wrap, nearly full of the assorted filaments. He wasn't expecting her to give him an actual response, but she did.

"The city changed me, I guess. Kurt tells me the same thing. I guess I haven't noticed any real tangible change, except I hate going out after dark and I can sleep through the night without worrying a twister is going to drop over my head." It was a joke but she didn't smile, Will continued to watch her face. She looked far away. "Anyway, I think I had to change in order to live up there. If Lima had the same personalities as New York it wouldn't be so unknown. I just feel lucky it didn't break me." She said that like it had. She looked up at him, offering a small smile. "Maybe I just grew up a little bit." He couldn't say anything to her. As uncomfortable as she was making him, he wanted to know more. He wouldn't push it. Obviously talking about this was upsetting her and he had just wanted to catch up, have a light conversation and a heavy meal.

Part of him wanted to ask her what she was doing after this, but he thought that might be inappropriate. After all she had not come into town to see him. The temptation ate at him for a little bit. He would be going home to an empty apartment to watch reruns of the office or Frasier, shows he had always hated but had become funny to him because he needed something to do around the time they came on and he would rather grow to the humor than be alone in a quiet house. She would be going home to two parents who would relay her with tales of a fabulous vacation. There was no contest, and realizing this he suddenly felt a strong urge to end this meeting.

"Well it was really good to see you again, Rachel."

She smiled and tilted her head, a little surprised it looked like. "It was really good to be here with you, Will."

The parting felt strange, and the strangest part was that he had to tell himself that he would see her again before he actually felt comfortable with leaving. He was just lonely; it didn't have anything to do with her company. And with that last thought he pulled up the collar of his jacket and walked into the Ohio Fall.

* * *

><p>I updated this chapter and changed a few things because my writing with this style is improving but my bit and I thought of some improvements. Nothing major, just prettier and nicer to read.<p> 


	4. Some Boys

Put this up a little early because I'm pretty proud of it. I made edits to chapter three. No more significant story plot occurs, but as my writing with this 3rd person improves, I'm making small changes. Just prettier and nicer to read. Enjoy this chapter.

* * *

><p><strong>Some Boys<strong>

"To three years."

Kurt smiled and raised his glass to clink with the side of Blaine's. The gentle smile on Blaine's lips still made butterflies appear in his stomach and an incredible urge to kiss him tinkle in his lips. It was amazing to him to think about all that they had accomplished together as a couple, and if you added all of their accomplishments as individuals, it was easy to tell why they were so happy. There was really no reason for them to be upset.

Blaine shook his head as their glasses clinked and raised a handsome dark brow. "To your new job."

Kurt let his head sit a little higher, the smug smile forming on his face. "Well that too." They drank together, a small sip before lowering their glasses. They fell into an easy position in the corner of the sofa, Kurt leaning into Blaine's chest as his feet tucked underneath him. This easy companionship was something Kurt had yearned for his whole life. It seemed like an impossible thing to hope for when the very way he loved was condemned and immoral. When his rights were lesser than other men's rights and he was lucky if he could get to class without his clothes being intact. He spent months saving for designer brands hoping the superficial underworld that was high school would look past his sexual exploits and find status in his material possessions. Unfortunately, not even Alexander McQueen was enough to distract people from Kurt's sexuality.

Only someone who had ever been in a long-term relationship that was successful would understand what Kurt meant when he said it seemed like so long ago, yet only yesterday when Blaine kissed him for the first time. Three years to him seemed like a lifetime, but looking back on all of the good times they shared, and the love they still felt, it was hard to believe that so long had passed. He sipped his spiced cider lightly, happy with the warm comfort of Blaine's chest behind him and Blaine's arm resting across his own chest, half hugging him.

The lights in the room were dim, the T.V. off, the porch light on and the door locked. They were ready to stay in for the night, and the promises of the evening mixed with his right to promise was enough to make him take Blaine's empty hand and kiss it. So much in his life had been partial or destroyed. His mother gone…. High school had been menacing and exasperating. Then there was Glee. Glee brought him friends, it brought him hope, and it gave him something to believe in. Glee led him to the love of his life, and not to mention new family members in Finn and Donna. It was not an understatement to say that the club had changed his life in particular. And Glee had brought him Rachel. Rachel who most days he wanted to strangle…but who had allowed him to believe in something he would never have had the courage to believe in otherwise. Rachel who had given him the nerve to come here and to audition. He was not too proud to admit (at least to himself) that he owed her a lot. He could not be any more great-full than he was in this moment.

"You're quiet tonight."

Blaine's smooth voice broke his train of thought and Kurt's smile was instantaneous.

"I'm feeling grateful."

"So am I."

Kurt leaned away and looked up at Blaine; wide examining eyes…he would never get tired of knowing that those eyes were watching him. With scrutiny or love or any other emotion good or otherwise, they were much too deep and beautiful to be hated. There was a ghost of a smile forming in Blaine's dimple as he leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Kurt's lips. When he pulled away his grin widened and a hand traced Kurt's face.

"You still blush. Every time."

"It's probably because I'm still astonished that you kiss me that way."

Blaine smiled and raised a brow. "Like what way?"

Kurt's face didn't lighten in color.

"Like you love me."

Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand with his free one, lacing their fingers together before he brought their combined web to his lips for a kiss.

"I do love you."

Kurt smiled. The words always in the forefront of his thoughts when he thought of the dark haired boy were finally on his lips. "I love you too."

Kurt moved back into his position on Blaine's chest feel more in love than he ever thought he'd have the right to feel. "Tell me something. About us."

It was a common game between them. They never kept secrets from one another, but romantic thoughts, such as the ones Kurt was feeling, were nice when they were voiced. They weren't secrets, but it seemed like meeting for the first time and being in love when you discovered something new about your relationship. Those things were hard to come by when you were together for so long. Blaine sighed and Kurt felt Blaine's chin lift away from his head. He imagined how they looked. Curled together, both clutching drinks. Blaine's head lifted towards the ceiling in thought. The image made Kurt smile. He felt very grown up.

"Let me see…do you remember when I asked you to live with me the first time, what you told me?"

"That I had to be there for Rachel?"

"Right. I don't remember every word you said, but the look on your face…" The pause made Kurt nervous and excited all at once. "The look on your face was so…determined. The thought of leaving her alone wasn't even an option. I know that you're in love with being in love, and I was so sure that you would say yes to me when I asked you. I never imagined that I would love you more because you said no." Kurt felt Blaine brush his thumb across the back of his hand. "I remember driving back to my place without you and knowing without a doubt, that I would love you more from that moment on. That I would look at you every day the way I looked at you the first time I saw you…Kurt."

Kurt raised his head again to look at Blaine. Blaine's brow was wrinkled, his eyes intense.

"I wanted to be there for you so badly and I could tell that you wanted to say yes. I saw the struggle…but your face was so sure of what you had to do. And I knew that if I ever needed you that badly, you would be there to take care of me too." Blaine smiled and Kurt tried to swallow the lump forming in his throat. "It made me feel so safe." Kurt crushed his lips against Blaine's relishing the flavor of the salt in his tears and Blaine's sweet lips. The moment was from a 1920's black and white he was sure of it. Maybe better.

When they broke apart Kurt folded himself back into Blaine and Blaine swiveled his drink with a smile.

"Kurt? Move in with me."

Kurt's smile faded. "I can't Blaine…not yet."

"Why _not_!"

The Agitation in Blaine's voice was out of place, bitter in the sickly sweet atmosphere of the room. Kurt's vision landed on the picture frame of Nationals across the room on the mantle.

"You already know the answer to that."

Blaine sighed. "Kurt she's an adult. Your presence there is just holding her back from getting on with her life. And I want you in mine." He could tell that Blaine was thinking. Trying to grasp for things that would change his mind. "Think about it. Waking up next to me every morning. The two of us driving to your rehearsals. Every night when I pick you up asking "How was your day, dear?" and you saying "Oh just awful! Please! A cushion for my feet!"

The last part was a joke but the idea of coming home to Blaine was not. It was enticing.

Kurt moved away, this time to the other end of the sofa, his drink coming dangerously close to spilling in his abrupt movements.

"How can you criticize me for the very thing you just told me you admired so much?"

Blaine's smile was begging. Like he was explaining a trick to the same old dog and was tired of explaining it.

"Come on Kurt, you have to see where I'm coming from on this. At some point you two have to lead separate lives and I'm ready to have one with you. I'm sure Rachel would understand."

Kurt scoffed, placing his drink on the coffee table. "Oh please…you know Rachel but not as well as I do. She'd say it was fine and turn into a-a sleepless nightmare the moment my stuff was out of the apartment."

Blaine rubbed his hand down his face, frustration evident to Kurt, though to anyone else it would seem subtle. "Ok, Kurt." He stood and moved to the kitchen. Kurt could hear him dumping the rest of his drink in the sink and setting his glass inside. He moved back into the living room, fighting to say something.

"You know what? I don't think it _is_ Rachel…I think it's you."

Kurt rolled his eyes "Me?"

"Yes. You! I think you're scared of the next step."

Kurt shook his head and stood too. "You're not going back to this argument are you? You know, just because I couldn't say 'I love you' right away when we were Juniors in High school doesn't mean that our entire relationship I'm going to be one step behind you in romantic milestones."

Blaine didn't say anything. So Kurt continued.

"You told me you got the crap beat out of you at your first high school because you were gay. Were you over it junior year? Or senior year? Are you over it now, Blaine? Because if you are then why don't you tell Rachel how to get over this that quickly."

"Those are two completely different things, Kurt."

"Are they?"

The silence was louder than their voices had become. Their arguments were spoken, and nothing was resolved. No one had caved, and no one felt the responsibility to apologize. Blaine grabbed his jacket off of the back of the sofa.

"I'm gonna go."

"Yeah, maybe you should."

Maybe it was because Blaine was right, and Kurt was afraid. Because he was always waiting for Blaine to find an excuse to leave him, but in that moment he took it a step too far.

"Is this the kind of relationship we're going to have?"

Blaine paused in putting on his jacket. "What do you mean?"

"I mean are we going to be fighting like this often? You always looking for ways that I don't feel like you do?" Kurt crossed his arms. "Maybe you should just leave me now."

Blaine shook his head, the comment going right through him. No significance at all. Kurt didn't know if that made him happy or angrier.

"Don't test me Kurt. I don't play games." He moved to the door and opened it, halfway out. "I'll see ya."

Even if he hadn't started it, in the end, Kurt always felt like the fight was his fault.

* * *

><p>Next Chapter is Rachel again! If anyone is curious about the time period I have it sorted out by days of the week. I skip a few days sometimes because I think its a little bit too dramatic if something is going on every single day. When Rachel first arrived it was a Monday, making this a Tuesday. The next chapter will be Wednesday. Next chapter is 'Summer Skin'. Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews so far! I feel really flattered that So many different users are enjoying the story, and that those of you who do enjoy keep reading and reviewing. Ive never been such a success :p thanks guys.<p> 


	5. Summer Skin

Sorry this update took so long. The next one will be coming right up as it's half finished. I felt guilty that it took so long and this one is so short with not too much excitement. I hate stories that unrealistically rush into the romance so sorry. Its my first time writing like this but I wanna do it right. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Summer Skin<strong>

She took a long sip through her straw, letting the cold coconut flavor wash through her mouth. Normally she would never order specialty drinks. She had to take excellent care of her voice and water was always the best option. Not to mention she didn't trust anything else to be completely vegan these days. Her fathers were pretty much the only people who could convince her to try new things because she knew they were as dedicated to her cause as she was.

And coconut was her favorite.

"Rachel, honey what do you think?"

She smiled past her straw "Its good dad, thank you."

"I knew you'd like it. We were absolutely crazy about everything coconut in Fiji." Her dads smiled at one another while she focused on her straw. She wasn't so much drinking through it as letting her lips rest around it. She'd been told several times over about her parent's time in Fiji. The repetition might have made her jealous once upon a time, but she was glad of it now, it made sure that she was never the subject of the conversation. It was always the beaches or the shopping or the locals. Never the Rachel.

They all stared at their menus in silence, pretending to contemplate their choices. In the end Rachel knew that daddy would get the salmon. Dad hated when he ate fish around them but daddy would say something like "I want the salmon but I know you don't like when I eat it." And dad would say "No, it's alright go ahead." And daddy would get it. Dad would want to demonstrate a good example and wouldn't want Rachel to feel uncomfortable so he would order something extra healthy and particularly strange like a yeast ball or seaweed salad. Rachel would get what she always got these days. Simple autumn salad. She hadn't had much of an appetite in quite a while.

"So how's Kurt doing?"

Her heart stuttered a bit, this track was going to lead to her eventually she could feel it.

"He's doing great! He got into a show too." She swallowed "A big one in fact."

Her daddy's face lit up. Just the effect she wanted. "Really? That's marvelous! I really like that boy I knew he'd get noticed just like that!" He snapped his fingers with a proud chin lift. "What show?"

So far so good "It's a new show based on the life of Liberace. Kurt's the lead."

Her dad raised a brow, joining the conversation "That's very impressive. Sounds like a big show."

Rachel took another sip of her drink. "It's got some pretty big names in it too. If he pulls it off without being too much of a diva he could already make a name for himself."

"I didn't know Kurt could play the piano."

She smiled, liking how genuine it felt. "Kurt's never missed a lesson a day in his life. I think he's going to be great."

Her daddy smiled "I'm sure he will be. He's a smart boy he can take care of himself…I'm glad he's there to take care of you too."

She sucked harder on her drink. Her dad cleared his throat.

"Well Fiji was nice. We were lost half the time we were there, though."

"Oh that doesn't matter! The entire island was paradise; even that barrio we got mugged in was beautiful." Her father laughed "Cleanest slum I've ever seen."

"Richard!"

Rachel's straw had dropped out of her mouth, her daddy, realizing his mistake, was looking at her in the concerned way she hated, waiting for her to over-react.

She was waiting for her to over-react too.

"You…got mugged?"

Her dad gave his partner a stern look before replacing it with a soft one for her.

"It was nothing serious, honey. We didn't have anything on us and it was just a bunch of kids, ran off as soon as I mentioned the authorities."

They were both still looking at her and as hard as she was trying she could feel the panic making ugly lines across her face. Why was her heart always on her sleeve…?

"Oh…"

"Rachel, honey, we're alright! We're back now and everything is perfectly fine."

"I just…I didn't know Fiji was that dangerous."

"It's not."

She continued to stare, unconvinced. Even in a place as beautiful and pristine as Fiji her excited and very tourist looking parents were mugged. She thought herself very naïve in this moment. Of course she should have known that terrible things happened on the islands. In a little town like Ohio which was so safe it was practically unnecessary for neighborhood watch programs, all the students had to talk about were the foreign news stories that made their way into the school through current events projects and morning announcements. Her freshman year she had heard a rumor that a senior boy had lost all of his college savings because his parents were being scammed and blackmailed from some islanders telling them they'd won the lottery and just had to pay small installments. She could feel her breath quickening. Of course in the same rumor she had heard that the boy was homeless because of his lack of funds and was now yucky chucky, the hobo that lived in a TV box by the freeway right outside of town. She hadn't put much stock in those rumors back then, now they seemed like some kind of premonition. A warning to tell her that in a few years her parents were going to go to Fiji and she was going to have to warn them that they would be mugged. She felt like she had missed some kind of sign and the disappointment and regret was immediate.

They had been mugged.

"Rachel."

Her dad's voice broke her panic and she realized they were still staring at her, her daddy even leaning forward a little as if he was going to jump out of his seat. She gave a feeble smile and tried to tuck her lip back in.

"I'm fine. I understand that you're fine and it wasn't a major altercation. I'm fine." She realized how obvious it sounded that she was trying to reassure herself as much as she was trying to reassure them. She suddenly had an overwhelming need to talk to Kurt.

After one last smile and a return to her drink, her parents seemed to calm down and continued looking through their menus. when Rachel heard the beginnings of the 'can I eat fish' conversation she allowed herself more time to disappear into her thoughts.

A quick call to Kurt from the bathroom would alleviate her fears for the moment, but her fathers would probably worry if she disappeared into the bathroom for half an hour. Dinner hadn't even started and already she was thinking of ways to get out of it. The very idea of leaving her very excited fathers here alone made her guilty enough to reconsider her plan and she decided she was going to stick it out again and be the happy shell. She would talk about upcoming rehearsals and shows she had seen and gush about how much she enjoyed her life.

It wasn't as if any of those things were a lie. She knew she loved the city and somewhere in her lived the fire she once had, but it had been nothing but a dying ember for some time. A fresh pain had hidden and stifled the love she was once so free about and she had neither the strength nor the courage to try and dig through that pain anytime soon. It was much easier to be the shell.

And much harder at the same time...

"Are you ready to order?"

The woman standing at the end of their table was pretty. If Quinn had a softer expression she would probably look like this girl. Blonde with blue eyes instead of green, eyes that didn't seem to scorn every moving thing in their path.

"I'll have the salmon, and he'll have the seaweed salad."

Rachel smiled and closed her menu, handing it up to the waiting girl

"Just the autumn salad for me please." She could see her father's exchange disappointed glances out of her peripheral. "And a refill of this coconut drink, please." The looks vanished.

She smiled as the waitress left to put their orders into the kitchen and then turned to face her fathers.

"So! Tell me more about Fiji." She smiled brightly, eagerly leaning forward and brushing her hair back over her shoulder.

As the conversation went on she tried desperately to keep thoughts of her defenseless fathers being ambushed out of her head. All of the _not _thinking about the mugging, made it very hard to think about anything else, and it suddenly hit her that the only friend and potential ear she had in this state, was Will Schuester. For some reason that thought scared her just as much as the images of the mugging.

Her straw made a slurping sound as she sucked up the remainder of her drink in earnest. For the rest of the dinner it was very hard to keep Will out of her head. At some points she had almost convinced herself that he would understand her fear over the mugging without her relaying the entire pre-mugging anxiety on her part. But the comfort level of picturing Will in an entirely different role than he had ever played in her life, quickly wore off, and she was left feeling more vulnerable than before. It seemed impossible that in two days she would have to see his face when thoughts of sitting beside him at a meal and sharing secrets were running through her head. It wasn't inappropriate. Anyone else would see it for what it was, a dinner between two friends catching up. But the level of unfamiliar territory made her severely uncomfortable with the prospect and she wondered how she had managed it the first time.

He was noticing things already though.

What he had said at dinner. _"You've changed, Rachel."_

It seemed impossible that he had noticed anything considering she had put on such a grand cheerful performance in the classroom and he hadn't said more than 'good job' or 'we tried our best' to her over the course of the three years she had been in school. In fact, he had always been rather cold to her. As a student who was convinced that he was trying to destroy her career, she hadn't paid attention to him as much. Save that one week where she went temporarily insane and stalked him like an ear of corn.

He had been cruel though, always trying to create distance between them. It had seemed a teaching strategy then, and a precaution considering her crazy tendencies. Now the distance he had created when she was his pupil, seemed extreme in a sense and she had a very strong curious desire to find out why. She might have been overthinking it, but during her senior year he had kept a further distance from her than he ever had when she was a junior, even during that love-struck week she had. They had never been alone in the classroom together, even for class. When she was early, he would leave to his office and find something to do until there were at least two others seated in the classroom too. He would avoid talking to her, delegating to Finn to do the dirty work under the pretense that he was captain and that Finn and her should communicate with one another. It seemed so obvious a ruse now…but why? Why was Will Schuester so afraid of her presence when she was in school and so friendly to her now? What had happened between the two periods that had changed? Aside from her…she had most definitely changed, she admitted with an internal sigh.

* * *

><p>Next chapter is 'The Ice is Getting Thinner'<p> 


	6. The Ice is Getting Thinner

**I'm**** sorry that this is still taking so long. There are a lot of things happening in my life right now and I promise I'm not an abandon-er of stories. I have this one all planned out its just a matter of finding the time to do it. This chapter is pretty much the introduction to the exciting things coming up in the next few chapters. Hope you enjoy it. Oh, and thank you to everyone who is still reviewing, they spur me on to write a little more every day. **

* * *

><p><strong>The Ice is Getting Thinner<strong>

Men are told sense before they are old enough to understand, that their emotions are what make them weak. Men don't cry, or compromise or show care for lesser creatures. Men are conquerors. Men fight and yell and make their own way. This circumstance of their genetics helps them to become the head of their households. Their stunted emotional sense creates the inability for men to be broken down as easily as women, and therefore they are the survivors. They carry on undamaged; thick headed and tough skinned. This is reportedly what creates the social inequality between men and women. Will Schuester was never the kind of man that women tended to want. He cried during emotional songs, during his depressions he became the couch potato from hell (instead of getting roaring drunk like 'real' men), and his divorce was the most commanding action he had taken in his life, next to telling Suzy Pepper that their relationship 'just wasn't appropriate'. He had never understood that women liked men who took control, because Terry had always hated being told what to do and that had been his only relationship sense High School. In the two, almost three, years sense he had been divorced; he had tried every alternative to try and find an identity for himself. It was hard to know who he was when he didn't have a woman to take care of or a group of students to cheer for. For a long time Glee was his whole life. He had learned just how unhealthy that was. Not just because he cried every time he heard 'Don't Stop Believing' or because he started trying to come up with theme songs for his mundane routine activities like cleaning his house or doing his taxes. It was unhealthy for him to be so invested in _just_ Glee because when he lost it, he didn't have an identity. He had found himself through a few vacations, a few flings, hard break up with Emma, and various other hobbies and groups he had thrown himself into. He had a life outside of the high school, something he had never known he needed until Terry had left him.

Through these various flings with women neither as balsy or bitchy as Terry was, he found that the best approach to relationships was not always the silent sensitive type. Though, undoubtedly, that's who Will Schuester was, he had also learned to be more commanding. He had learned to be more open with his needs and less docile. In other words, Will had become more of a man's man. Though, admittedly he would not be jumping into burning buildings to rescue small children or climbing mountain peaks anytime soon.

The old, docile, 'keep your distance' Will, would never have told Rachel Berry to her face something so personal as _'you've changed.'_

For one thing, he was not supposed to know Rachel Berry all that well. She was nothing but an old student who was doing him a favor by returning to share her expertise and give his new students a few well needed pointers on show choir.

Another thing was that he had spent the majority of two years trying to put as much distance between them as was possible between teacher and student.

This was not an easy task considering that the Glee kids were his family and whereas he wouldn't have to worry about the self-confidence of the kids in his Spanish class, with Glee it was a different approach. If their personal lives were too much for them to handle then they should and often did come to him for advice, and even if they didn't, their drama would crash into the lessons of the week. Rachel, being the most dramatic and emotionally conflicted student in Glee (at least the one that was most open about her conflicts) was harder to stay away from than the others. Though he had achieved it multiple times. In fact staying away from Rachel was often the reason he stayed away from the other student's personal problems. He couldn't ask Quinn how her relationship with Puck was because then he would be obligated to ask Rachel how her relationship with Finn was going. He couldn't console Kurt or he would, when the time came, be obligated to console Rachel. It created a sketchy line between where his teaching moments and his own personal discomfort joined. When was he supposed to be there and when did he just think he was supposed to be there because he really wanted to be? When was it right or wrong to interfere? Was he a better teacher if he was a worse friend? The questions were confusing and frequent and he would be lying if he said he wasn't a little relieved when the drama stopped and the kids got together to do actual work.

This strange need to keep his distance from Rachel was a subject Will had only ever brushed, even in his own head. He had reasoned with himself an answer, which he repeated anytime the question surfaced, and an answer which was now playing in his head as she sat beside him, brunette curls, intense expression, large brown eyes watching the students perform their duets. He had without further question reasoned that Rachel Berry was the type of girl that got attached easily and she was also the type of girl that sought revenge. He knew the rumor about her reporting Sandy Ryerson to Figgins and getting him fired was true after he had gotten to know her. It seemed completely in Rachel's character to out the teacher only after he had denied her a solo in the musical. Rachel, though also kind and thoughtful, was also out for herself ninety percent of the time. Though this didn't necessarily mean that she would do the same thing to him (because unlike Sandy claims about him would be unwarranted) it did mean that she could be vengeful at times and if he spited her by not returning any kind of tender friendship she wanted, then he could be in for it. It was just safer and easier not to become Rachel's enemy, which meant he could never have been her friend while she was his student. He would have to stay well away from the line of friend and teacher and remain a strict and sometimes cruel male figure in her life.

This also meant that in her voluminous times of need, he could not be there for her. This lack of interaction during her time at school, made him feel as if he had to make up for it now, or at least that he no longer had to keep her at a distance. This was his reasoning, and therefore it seemed a perfect opportunity no less than a week ago, to call up Kurt (who had insisted on remaining in contact) and ask him if he still knew where Rachel was, intending to invite her for a consult of sorts about motivating his new Glee Club.

Here she was.

And in the span of a week he had discovered not only that a new Rachel had taken the old one's place, but that his previous, 'foolproof' assertion that Rachel and he could not be friendly, was now completely turned around.

He found he wanted nothing more than to prove himself wrong.

If he had found her to be the same person he knew her to be, then he would not be struggling to keep his attention on his students instead of on her. He would not be studying her behavior so intently, or trying to decipher the almost smiles and the constant frown that set itself in her jawline when she wasn't trying to give nothing away. Whereas before, she would try and give everything. Rachel wore her heart on her sleeve, never afraid to tell you how she was feeling even if her feelings about a particular situation weren't really emotionally appropriate. Always confident that relaying her own ideas and advice would be enough for anyone. He had to keep looking to see if what he was seeing was really there. Surely these performances should be making her jealous or skeptical. If she was now more mature than maybe even a little bit proud that she had prompted such genius. Instead, she looked almost nonchalant. There was no fire in her, not even in the form of a raised brow and a tapping foot. His brow furrowed as he turned away from her and back to the students. There had to be something he was missing…

The duets were going well. Nothing to suggest disappointment or lackluster. In fact compared to their previous endeavors in the class, this was outstanding. Everyone seemed to be giving an honest effort, and though some of them displayed very little talent, they made up for it in gumption. Lenore Albright, a soprano in the McKinley High choir, sang a breathtaking rendition of 'You Don't Bring Me Flowers' with Will Boniver. The effect had a few of the more sentimental girls tearing up and it certainly gave Will an entirely new view of her. This seemed to spur on the efforts of the class even further and by the time the last two students had finished their duets, Will was more certain than ever that sectionals and regionals would be theirs. While the class was clapping for the last two performers will got to his feet.

"You guys!" there was a collective laugh from the students. "This is what I've been talking about! Alright we're out of time but on Monday I'll tell you my decision and I'll give you the new set list. Now we have a week to do this but this proves to me that you guys have more than what it takes if you actually work for it." The bell rang and everyone gathered their things in a noisy shuffle. "See you next week! Have a good weekend."

He let his eyes drop to her, still sitting in the little blue chair. It was a strange sight now, her high school attire replaced by New York Modern. It was certainly clear to him that she didn't belong here. She had never really belonged here. This was why in the beginning he had been so unsure how to handle her. There had been students like her before. Students who knew they were talented and had huge ambition. But there also had never been a girl like her. Never a girl with such ambition, who would still yearn to be accepted, or a girl who cared so much for everyone but had no idea how to show it. It seemed her whole life her biggest struggle was wanting to be loved by someone, which had spurred on her huge personality and a need to blurt out every emotion in her head. Someone she must have thought that would make people know her better, faster when really it had just made her more disliked. Now, she didn't seem to be concerned with that, and maybe it was that she was more mature or more well versed in the social interactions of life, but he thought that maybe it was because of something else too. Maybe it was because she had bigger struggles these days. She held a soft smile for everyone who met her eye, her hands tightly folded on her thigh her ankles crossed. She finally caught his eye and he smiled back. "You ok?" her smile grew. A defensive maneuver.

"Yeah! I'm great. _That_ was great."

He laughed and held his arms out in excitement. "I know! They've finally got it, Rachel. Finally!" He couldn't stop himself. It seemed that a part of his life had been taken when his Glee club had failed to be as initially successful as his last. Rachel raised a brow and held her smile strong. "You just had to give them time. We didn't exactly start off as Rock Stars." He smiled and shook his head. "But you guys at least had ambition." She laughed. It was a short ironic thing, but the tinkling made him start. "Did we? Half the club didn't want to be in it, and the other half couldn't even take a dance step without tripping over themselves. That first rehearsal was pretty terrible Mr. Schue." She closed her eyes and smiled, opening them again, admitting her mistake. "Will." He smiled and ducked his head.

She was right. Perhaps it was because two years of great performances and teamwork had made him forget, but…he had forgotten. He had forgotten that in the beginning, even his old team couldn't be in the same room together without arguing. They couldn't dance, couldn't move, and they didn't look the part.

But boy could they sing.

He smiled and shrugged. She rose then, swinging her purse over her shoulder. This sudden idea that she was going to leave made him feel shocked and a bit silly for not realizing it sooner. After this meeting, there was no reason for them to see each other again and he still had not yet discovered this new mystery about her. This itching in the back of his sub-conscious needed to be scratched, and that more than wanting a friendship, or wanting to redeem himself for not being friendly to her while she was a student, is what made him want for her to stay. He grasped around in his mind for something he could do to make her stay and as he was about to bring up how Figgins had cut the coffee budget in the teacher's lounge again, she spoke.

"My dads told me they got mugged while they were in Fiji."

The statement completely threw him.

"Oh my God…Are they alright?"

She shook her head. "Oh no, yeah they're fine I just." She ducked her head, fiddling with her keys in her palm. "…They told me expecting it to be no big deal and I just…Is it wrong that I think it's a big deal?"

He tried to study her expression, tried to figure out what she wanted from him and hoping he could give her the right answer so that this brief welcome into her subconscious would be a courtesy she continued to extend. For some reason still unknown to him, he wanted in.

"No. No I don't think you're wrong. There's no right or wrong reaction to things like this. Everyone reacts differently and if you feel concerned then that's not a bad thing." She nodded, still looking studious as if she was trying to decipher some extra meaning from his words. "It helps some people to talk about it."

He glanced at his watch, knowing already that he was done for the final class hour of the day but not wanting to seem too eager in case she thought he was being presumptuous.

"I have some time."

She studied him for a moment, the gaze almost making him uncomfortable. All of this hesitation from her was unfamiliar and he wasn't sure how to respond, or if he was already responding incorrectly. He doubted so much that she would take him up on his offer that when she put her purse back down he was surprised. He walked over to the little blue chair next to her and took a seat, his legs too long to put his feet flat on the floor. He noticed when she sat that her feet could still rest perfectly flat. And he noticed that she crossed her ankles.

She gave him a questioning side look and he smiled and raised a brow. Her return smile was the most genuine he had seen her give.

"Ok. Well I understand that they're alright." She nodded, reassuring him, and herself, at the same time. "But that doesn't seem to make me less afraid. I keep…I keep picturing that moment and I feel more cautious. It happened to my parents, people I see every day." She looked up at him. "What's to stop it from happening to me?"

He held her gaze for a moment, deep dark Brown, glossy from the intimate conversation. Admittedly, at first, he wasn't sure what to say. He weighed the idea of being the preachy teacher over the friend, and realized he would have to find a common ground between the two. She was obviously asking him advice because she trusted his answer. She trusted his answer because he had been her teacher, and he had never given her advice that had harmed her, a lesson she hadn't needed. But he had never given her these kinds of lessons. Their singing lessons in class were not always about singing but they had never been about this.

"It's ok for these kinds of events to make you feel more cautious. That's an upside to these things is that they make you more careful, they make you hesitate and think about the actions you take. It's ok to let them change you a little bit." She was watching him so intently, not even blinking. "But you shouldn't let them stop you from living. It's good to take a second look and think, be aware of what's around you, but you shouldn't let anything stop you from taking chances sometimes. You shouldn't let it change you completely." His last piece of advice mixed with the surprise on her face, made him understand that maybe they were talking about more than just her fathers.

"Rachel…is there something else you're asking about?"

He realized immediately that this was the wrong question to ask.

She rose, keys in hand, purse slung over her shoulder, walking slowly towards the door before he had even risen.

"Nope! Just that." She turned, backing out but smiling. "Thank you, Will."

"Rachel."

She stopped walking, but she didn't come back.

"If you need to talk some more you know where to reach me."

And there it was. What he had been walking around sense he had seen her. An invitation.

A line appeared on her forehead and her jaw set tight.

"Why are you being so friendly to me?"

"What?"

"Why are you being so friendly to me? I mean when I was your student you were always closer with Kurt and the other kids but…not me."

He stammered a bit and she interrupted

"I'm not complaining about it I mean I'm sure you had your reasons. But what's changed? Why are you being so friendly now?"

He looked confused, but he wasn't.

"I don't know what you mean…"

She gave a short half smile and nodded.

"Right. Goodbye, Will."

She looked at him for a moment longer, then turned and walked out of the room and he thought it wouldn't have been out of place if she had run instead.


	7. Your Heart Is An Empty Room

**I'd like to use this space from now on to thank everyone who had previously reviewed, because honestly your reviews are more important than what i usually type here to begin with.**

**Wistful Watcher :**Your reviews always make me feel more confident in my writing and really give credit to the specific details i put in the story. Thank you so much and I hope you keep reviewing. They really are wonderfull.

**Thereadingfairy:**Thank you for calling me a great writer c:

**BuffyAnne:**Thanks so much for your appreciation of the insight on Will, I was afraid I was trying a little too hard to make him clear. Also thank you even more for the correction notes. I plan to go back and re-edit the chapters once i finish the storys. Ive already re-edited a few of the earlier ones, but Im too tempted to put new romantic detail in a chapter when i re-edit it so I think it's a better idea to wait till I'm done. i hope i dont let too many more erroes occur so that you can continue to enjoy the story. Since and sense have always been my greatest writing flaw, along with weather and whether.

**:**You consistently review and i really appreciate it. You always giev such nice compliments c:

**Vampyresss:**thank you soooo much for saying the story is unpredictable. I started writing Schueberry because there is a serious lack of good stories of the genre. you should check out Wistful Watcher's stories as well. Wonderfull Schueberry.

Thank you also to; **SkiCan, Woadangel, Hopelessandhelpless, LawOrderSVUaddict, Selivia, Fire Dolphin,aussiegirl21, Greyshasbecomemylife, threeltlbirds, Bwayfan, ||GeekGoddess||, and AJ.**

there are countless of you that have added me to your story alert list as well. Thank you so much for your interest, I'd love to know what you think about the story too.

**Enjoy! This and the next two chapters are what you've been waiting for c:**

* * *

><p><strong>Your Heart Is an Empty Room<strong>

She sighed into the phone and tucked the blanket around her legs.

"Well maybe you should talk to him?"

She could almost see him scoffing

"I don't have anything else to say. This is his fight he can be the one to apologize."

"Kurt, it takes more than one person to be in a fight." She pulled off the hanging nail on her pointer finger with her teeth. "I never wanted to be a reason for you two to fight. Blaine's right about the fact that I'm ok now. Maybe he's right about the rest of it too."

"You are not capable of judging your own health at this point. You called me an hour ago because your dads went out to dinner and you thought it might be a possibility for someone to break though the skylight in the upstairs attic."

"It's possible-"

"Yeah if you're twelve feet tall or friends with King Kong!"

"Ok! Maybe I'm not ok being alone yet but I'm not the only reason you won't move in with him."

"There's absolutely no evidence to substantiate that claim."

She smiled "Kurt, come on. You get huffy if I take the dirty dishes out of your room to clean them. You have to face the fact that you have a little bit of boundary issues."

"Please, Blaine and I share the same bathroom this is _not _about boundary issues."

"But it is about something?"

"No. Let's change the subject."

She sighed and readjusted herself on her parent's sofa. "Fine. I yelled at Mr. Schue today."

She pictured him raising his brow now. "You yelled at him-"

"Ok well I didn't yell exactly but I got pretty aggressive. I asked him why he was being so friendly to me."

"Oh…yeah that phrase just leaks venom…"

"I'm serious! He was giving me advice about the mugging and I guess I gave a little too much away and he started asking about me-"

"Rachel…"

"He's just acting like we've been friends for years. Like he didn't treat me like an untouchable when I was his student."

"He did not treat you like an untouchable he treated you like a teacher is supposed to treat a student who is full of herself. What advice was he giving you?"

She paused.

"Pretty good advice actually…He shouldn't know me so well."

"Rachel I'm not sure what preconceived notions you have about how people see you, but you're not exactly a mystery to anyone…or at least you weren't."

"Don't start on that again. It's been almost three years and I'm finally past it."

"I'll admit you're a hell of a lot better than you were but you won't be past it until you can talk about it without it crippling you."

"I'm not going to announce it to the world Kurt!"

"Stop being dramatic for five seconds and listen, will you? You don't have to announce it to the world, but when someone is trying to get close to you, they need to know about you beyond your favorite food and color, and you're not going to be close to anyone unless they know about this huge thing that happened to you."

She closed her eyes, pictured his soft smile, his cautious touch, his lingering gaze, and for a moment it seemed almost like a good idea…"Are you saying that Will is trying to get close to me?"

Kurt's tinkling laugh through the phone was mischievous. "Maybe not in a forbidden love kind of way but…as a friend yes. I think he is."

"Oh…"

There was silence for the first time on the line. When too large personalities such as Rachel and Kurt got to talking it was a good indication that the conversation would be long and fluent. They had reached a point when Rachel wondered if it would hurt her more to hang up or stay on the line. She would have to face questions about herself, her least favorite topic. Her conversation with Will had made her worry enough to call Kurt about it. It still seemed impossible to her, despite Kurt's assurances that she was not at all covert, that Will could know her so well. She could stare at blank faces and solemn looks all day long and probably not know what the thoughts were behind any of them. Then again maybe it was just that simple. He was used to a determined light rather than a hidden one behind her eyes. The more she thought about it, the clearer it became how he had figured her out. Forcing herself to see through his eyes made the view of herself all the clearer. She felt pathetic now, trapped in her own body because of the sheer lack of will to escape. With how little she was living, she may as well be dead.

"Are you disappointed that he may not want to know you that way?"

Kurt's question was mostly a tease but she found a ball rise in her throat as she answered.

"No! Of course not! That would be-it would be-well not wrong but-but"

"Oh my God…you really are disappointed. Rachel you have to tell me everything again exactly as it happened."

"Actually I'm going to watch a movie and try to fall asleep."

"No! Rachel what is going on?"

"Nothing is going on, Kurt. Will Schuester is trying to become closer to me and whether romantically inclined or not, I don't plan on letting him if it means that I'm going to have to tell him about the most frightening moment of my life. Plain and simple."

Kurt was silent. For a moment, she thought she had made him angry, or that he had hung up.

"Rachel…eventually I am going to move in with Blaine. Who else is going to know about this so that you have someone to call at three in the morning when you have nightmares or just can't fall asleep? I mean even right now…if he knew you wouldn't have to be alone making a long distance call and talking to me until midnight. He could be there with you."

She could feel the hot stings in the back of her eyes but she quickly tilted her head up and back to keep her tears in. She could not afford to break down right now and prove Kurt right. Even though his words sounded very right. Right enough to make her feel even more vulnerable than before she had called him. The idea of Will here, in her home, felt very intimate. She could no longer keep telling herself that she would have no friendship with him if he came here. It was almost appealing, the idea of him on her sofa, talking to her, watching her TV, staying up late trying to make awkward conversation and keeping each other awake. It almost made her forget the possibility that at her invitation he would decline, or at the worst, accept and come here…and find out just why she had changed in more detail than he could handle. And if she was really admitting her fears then she would have to admit that her biggest one was the sympathy he would show for her. The same sympathy everyone showed her when they knew. The new careful touch and glance and smile, that was made all the worse by the fact that she actually needed everyone to act that way because she was so fragile. Because a casual touch that seemed aggressive had sent her into hysterical crying before and a casual glance from a stranger sometimes still scared her into a more public place for her own safety.

"I know ok. I know you're right but I can't …ok. When call you, you pick up even if you don't want to right?"

"You're assuming I ever want to pick up."

"Kurt…"

"Ok, yes. You're right."

"And it's because you're worried about me. Even if you don't want to talk to me or you're busy you still talk to me or come over or cancel plans to make sure I'm ok."

"Should I not do those things?"

"Of course I'm grateful for it but you're missing the point. If I tell Will, then any chance of any meaningful relationship with him will go out the window. I'll be taking away any chance he has. He'll _have_ to care about me because he's a nice guy and I'm a damsel in distress and I'll never know if he's just caring because he feels sorry for me or if it's because he actually is a friend who cares about me. He'll resent me making him care so much. I can't see sympathy or resentment from him…I don't know why but not him."

"Rachel you're so oblivious! You can't see it from him of all people because you actually feel something for him."

"If you're right then you have to see that I'm right too. I'm not telling him. I'm going to bed."

"Rachel-"

"Goodnight, Kurt."

"Goodnight…"

She made sure she heard the click from him hanging up before she ended the call herself. She didn't want to be right but she knew she was. She had never been good about making decisions, and as it stood she had thought a lot and had decided on almost nothing. She knew the consequences of allowing herself to be close to Will, both good and bad. She also knew the consequences of keeping her distance from him, though in this scenario the rewards seemed more like punishments, at least to her. He would never hurt, she would never have to get close to him, she would never care for him, he would never care for her…She hadn't even decided whether she wanted him to care about her or not, and if he did in what way should she want him to care about her? She was right about one thing though, it wasn't _wrong_ necessarily. Though probably still frowned upon in the modern social world their relationship was by no means illegal. She was 21 and no longer a minor. She was not bound by any laws in the state of Ohio or New York. Neither was he, considering he was no longer her teacher. Their relationship, romantic or otherwise, was no longer forbidden. It suddenly struck her, under her own scrutiny, that this situation would be a very simple one if she wasn't the one making it so complicated. In another lifetime, perhaps even if the last three years had been replaced by something else, this could be going quite a different way.

She might have seen their lunch together as a date, and even admitted to herself that she liked Will Schuester for the person that he was. She would analyze his qualities and quirks and realize that all in all he was pretty much…a catch. They would talk about old memories and make new ones and eventually she would tell him the truth, and he would still stay with her, and he might show sympathy but that would be alright, because he would care about her for the right reasons and he will have made his choice himself. Eventually there would be more dates, dancing, lunch after rehearsals and kisses…

Somewhere along the line her analyzing had turned into daydreaming.

Maybe she had decided what she wanted after all.

Once she figured out what to do about something, the rest came easy. It was never hard for her to complete a task she had decided on, but the deciding was the hard part. Her decision was made, now for the follow-through.

So she admitted that if things were different, she could see Will as a man she would be attracted to. The fact was, things were the same as they had been for three years. She was still a girl very much afraid of the world, and he was still a man she generally didn't know. As much as she wanted to accept his delusional idea that they could be instant friends, she needed more than a few days to decide whether she even wanted him to know her. He seemed to want to very much, and she could not for the life of her put her finger on just why. She knew it was probably because of her mystery. Men across the globe loved a good mystery, and even Kurt admitted that lately she had become one. Still, Will had never acted as typical men did. He was a show choir teacher. He like journey and helping people and singing in a boy band. He was not a man who enjoyed conquering things like mysteries.

There was something she was missing in the midst of all of these new feelings and questions and decisions, and it was something that went beyond her arrival back in Lima a few days ago.

Her musings were interrupted by a sound coming from the hallway. It could have been an expansion in the hardwood floors caused by the change in temperature or it could have been a robber and Rachel's mind went immediately to the latter. She froze in her spot, waiting to hear the sound again and dreading when she would hear it at the same time. If it came again, she would run. The door was a few feet away, something she had realized when she chose the living room to have her conversation with Kurt. The kitchen was in front of her, where all of the things that could do her harm were, so she would have a good chance of running towards the door. She moved only to mute the TV and then froze again. The silence made her even more frightened, but not being able to hear would drive her crazy. She sat there for a long time, five minutes turned to ten, when the blanket and her fear started to make her sweat, she worked up enough courage to leave the sofa and peek down the hall. All of the lights were on, and all of the doors were closed, just as she had left them.

She sighed and moved back to the sofa, shaking a little but calmed now that the moment had passed. This is how it usually was, brief moments of crippling fear. The trouble was the frequency of the moments. Once, a sound had scared her so badly that she had stayed up the entire night and had only slept the next night because her fathers had stayed up late and she felt safe enough to be asleep while they were awake. When she walked anywhere it was with Kurt, or Blaine, or someone else she trusted. When she passed a man on a street that wasn't crowded she would make sure whoever she was walking with was put between them if they had to pass near the stranger. She was never alone with men. Even men she had once smiled at and batted her eye. They were now all warnings...reminders. This was a common occurrence, and so it had been more than a happy coincidence that Kurt was usually up during the night and asleep during the days. His usually strict bedtime regime had been squandered by city living and a hot boyfriend. Rachel hardly ever slept, even during the days because of her auditions and now because of her rehearsals. She unmuted the TV and curled up under the blanket again. Tonight would be another late night, or rather, early morning.

The late nights, juggling Will, her own feelings, her dad's mugging, and all of this talk about a day she just wanted to forget…all of it was starting to feel like a little too much, and she could not afford to have a breakdown at her father's house all alone. Of course, the fact that she was alone added to the list of reasons for her to feel very overwhelmed at the moment, and right now even the reruns of I Love Lucy made her want to cry.


	8. Talking Bird

I think this is my poorest most rushed chapter. I had no idea what to do with it but I knew it was necessary to include in the story. I'm sorry I've kept you guys waiting for so long but to make up for the long time with no chapter and this crappy one I've also completed the next one as well. Thank all of you so much for staying loyal to the story and even after all of this time with no updates I still have people adding it to their alert list. I'm so great full to all of you for keeping up with it and for just enjoying it! So thank you so much!Here is Talking Bird c:

* * *

><p><strong>Talking Bird<strong>

It seemed impossible that a phone call could change the course of his entire future. The thought was pretty dramatic, even for someone who got as emotionally involved as Will. It sounded like a scene from a soap opera. Dramatic call in the middle of the night and suddenly he was rushing to the aid of one very attractive Rachel Berry to comfort her after a harsh ordeal. Yet, that's exactly what he was doing. The story in his mind would seem ridiculous in the morning, maybe even in a few minutes when he had to work up the courage to ring the doorbell at her father's house. It would be made all the more ridiculous by the fact that Kurt had made the call, waking him up from a deep slumber and a dream about falling into the water at the aquarium. Yes it all seemed humorous enough when told from an outside perspective, and maybe it would even be humorous to Rachel when he told her why he was showing up at her house at one A.M. and why he knew she was alone and awake. In an ironic kind of way it had even been humorous to Will to wake up to a phone call and hear Kurt's high voice on the other end.

All humor had somewhat abandoned his being when he heard three words that had sent panic through his veins.

"It's about Rachel."

Immediate thoughts of her in the hospital or mangled in a car on the side of the road went through his mind and he had even begun to get dressed before he had enough common sense to wonder why Kurt would tell _him_ ,of all people, that something had happened to her. The lack of panic on the other end of the line also calmed his nerves and he realized how silly he was being when he tried to put his jeans on over his pajama pants. It seemed that the danger was all in his imagination once Kurt started a rather confused and out of place story of Rachel home alone who had called him and told him that she had treated Will rather harshly today at their brief meeting at the school.

So Will decided this was a gossip call, and he thought maybe Kurt had forgotten that there was no time difference between New York and Lima and it was still one in the morning. He was angrily moving to hang up when Kurt blurted something that made him pause. It was a statement of epic proportion and accusation, and for a second he thought he had heard wrong, but unfortunately he hadn't, and the conversation that followed made him feel something he had never experienced before. He sank slowly on his bed and listened and gripped his mouth with his hand for fear that shock or sobs would escape his lips. And at the end of the long story that sounded so much like a lie except for its dark tragic realities, all he could manage to get out was a simple question.

"Should I go over?"

and Kurt's "Yes." was all he needed before he got the address, hung up the phone, dressed, and left his house without another thought.

It had seemed like the right thing to do at the time, but now with more time to think and analyze and put the pieces together he wondered if he would be doing more harm than good. Kurt's warnings rang in his head.

"_She'll be stand-offish but it doesn't mean she doesn't want you there."_

Ok so there might be anger. Definite confusion. Maybe unease or fear but he could easily stymie that feeling. Okay. She would be stand-offish.

"_Let her tell you. If you tell her you know about it…she won't trust you."_

An obvious but important note.

"_And if she says she was asleep she's a boldfaced liar so don't feel guilty."_

Somehow he felt like he was walking into something he wasn't sure he was equipped to handle. Less than 12 hours ago the girl he was running to help had told him rather plainly that she didn't want to be his friend. That push made a little bit of sense now but no matter the reason, the request remained and he wondered whether he had earned the right to butt inside of her life and her business so abruptly. Kurt had taken away his options to leave her alone and he wasn't sure yet whether he was great full for that interference.

The way she had spoken to him that afternoon…it had shocked him more than it had hurt him and made him second guess his actions. It made him ask himself questions he had never pondered before. He knew why he wanted to be friends with Rachel Berry. She was his former student and was also a very interesting girl. While she was his student he had not been able to get to know her on a friendly level for fear of repercussions either from her or from outside forces. Sometimes it was better to just not mess with those types of situations. But now that those threats no longer existed, he was free to know the Rachel Berry he was always too afraid too. He had never really stopped to think about the fact that this was not just about him. Maybe she didn't want to be his friend. It was unexpected how much that thought had hurt his feelings when he finally thought it was true. He had tried to tell himself that he understood why. He had been distant with her as a teacher and even harsh and though he had always thought that was because he was being a teacher and not a friend, maybe she just wasn't mature enough to understand the level of severity it took to teach someone like her. But that as a lie. Rachel had grown into a very mature woman who understood the gravity of business and personal relationships and their innate differences. She was intuitive too, and she had obviously sensed that he had kept his distance from her while she was a student for reasons other than the maintaining of a professional relationship.

She honestly thought he didn't like her.

She was pushing him away before he could do it to her and that realization mixed with the final piece of the story Kurt had told him completed the puzzle that was Rachel.

So here he was, driving in the dark deserted streets to go and knock on the door of her house. He imaged her alone and awake in the dark, meandering through the home. Personal habits of her nightly routine began to enter his mind. Brushing her teeth, combing her long dark hair, how she would sit on the sofa. Would she sit cross legged or with her ankles crossed even in the comfort of her home? He stopped, feeling a little uncomfortable when the image of her legs played through his thoughts. He had never been good with keeping track of boundaries and lines when it came to Rachel. That had always been the biggest problem when it came to her. Where did teacher end and friend begin and where did that line stop and begin to become something more intimate?

He bit down hard on his tongue, angry with himself for his thoughts. He was a sick human being for even imagining something like that with the details of a frightening night still ran through his head like a horror film. Kurt had left out intimate storyline but he was only great full for that. Those details were something he had to earn from Rachel. Hell, she had at least earned the right to share her own story and for the first time tonight he felt guilty that she had not been the one to tell him. Kurt was right, she would be angry if she found out that he knew. She would feel cheated and foolish that all along he had known while she kept up a brave independent front. She would even feel foolish tonight, when independent Rachel was called out and had to have a rescuer come over because she was afraid of the bumps in the night. He would have to be careful not to seem to protective or concerned. Which would be hard considering what he knew.

He hit the steering wheel hard and let his hand wipe down his mouth and chin, his brows furrowing at the thought of Kurt's wicked story…of all the nightmares in all the world…this seemed to be the darkest he had heard. He was able to keep a certain amount of distance from the story, but he was certain that if and when it was told to him by Rachel, he wouldn't have that advantage. It would tear him down and he would have to let it.

Kurt had really thrown him one…

The house was nice and gave him a bit of yearning for the dream house he had always wanted. Even in the darkness of the early morning he could imagine Rachel growing up here. The driveway was a half circle, with the side of the garage facing the street. It was a two story, wish blue outside shutters and a balcony overlooking the side yard. It was white with slatted gray roof tiles and a large tree growing in the front yard. It was a beautiful home, in a nice neighborhood, in a quiet town.

It was Rachel.

He sat in his car looking for what must have been half an hour, trying to work up the courage to go up to the door. He wasn't sure what he would say or what he would find and he almost wondered whether he should turn around and go home. He reasoned with himself, that if she wanted him to go she would certainly tell him, and it wasn't as if he had anything to loose in their relationship to begin with. She already didn't want to be his friend. Therefore, he could only gain from this. She would either turn him down, or invite him in and the latter may just be his last chance to become any part of her life. She drew him. She had always drawn him. From her first audition to the first time he had seen her in the music room at the beginning of the week she had been a magnet for him. This whirlwind that was her had not even allowed him time to stop and think about why but as he sat there in front of the house he knew.

Rachel was a piece of something he had always wanted. A woman who wore her heart on her sleeve and had passion larger than life and still a little bit of naivety to keep her dreams big and alive. She was the girl who wanted love and fame and still had enough kindness to help her enemies when they were down. She was uniquely Rachel and to think of her always made him smile. When he wondered what show she was doing or when he would finally see her name on a Broadway playbill he would always smile. And honestly she was the student he knew would make it one day. She left no room for doubt in anyone's mind and made a life he thought was unreachable, a tangible thing again. Rachel was what he believed in, and he had to get out of the car and help her believe in herself the way everyone else did.


	9. You Can Do Better Than Me

My internet is running hella slow so shout outs on the next chapter. Most of you have pretty much guessed what's coming up but I appreciate all your feedback and criticisms and I really like hearing that you enjoy the story so even a simple 'Its great!' really makes my day c: thanks so much guys and enjoy this chapter! I think it's my favorite so far.

* * *

><p><strong>You Can Do Better Than Me<strong>

Adrenaline is one hell of a crazy thing. It can make the most outrageous acts seem possible, even preferable, to day-to-day living. It can allow a wounded man to live, can allow a brave man to escape, and a coward to fight. Adrenaline can make you stronger, faster, and maybe even smarter depending on the situation. It can make you reckless… It can make you eager to spill your deepest fears and secrets.

The adrenaline that Kurt got from drama made him this way. Reckless.

Reckless enough to spill his best friend's deepest secret, to encourage a risqué love affair. Reckless enough to get into his car and drive to Blaine's house at one in the morning, and even reckless enough to admit his own secrets to a boy who made his eyes wide and his legs weak. His conversation with Will had given him contagious feelings of wanting to be with the person he loved and as much as he loved a good long dramatic fight, a nice dramatic reunion was even better. The closed throat, heart pounding adrenaline was making his hands shake at the moment as they clutched the leather of the car's steering wheel. The residents of the city were scattered, scarce, but not gone, even at this hour of the morning. His tongue ran over his chapped lips not for the first time tonight. The drive wouldn't take him but fifteen minutes, and with ten already passed it still felt like he needed more time. He had a brief outline of what he was going to say, repeating the heavy cadence again and again like the world's most important line. Kurt was nothing if not showy and tonight was certainly no exception. He would have to be prepared; because Blaine had a way of making his arguments seem less important when they really were once spoken aloud. Whether it was because Kurt was usually wrong or Blaine was just more right, Kurt's radiant words usually looked more like fireflies when they left his lips. It was something that both frustrated and relieved him, depending on the argument. Either his problems weren't really bad enough to evoke such strong argument, or he was just terrible at communicating.

It was also extremely likely that both of these things were true.

He counted the blocks as he drove. Blaine's apartment would be coming up, and he half hoped that Blaine would be asleep, and wouldn't hear the buzzer announcing that someone was downstairs and they needed to be let up. Then again, the idea of his arrival and his well-practiced speech made him slightly excited for the moment that would occur. He imagined out a brilliantly tragic scenario where he would stand on the stoop, rain pounding down on his well-groomed hair, as Blaine announced through the buzzer that it was too late, and Kurt's chances were up. He would hoarsely beg for one more chance before Blaine would come down to the stoop and hear his heart-felt words, all previous anger set aside by the end of Kurt's rousing speech. And their lips would meet.

Kurt's tight little smile found its way onto his face, and a muscle in his shaking hands gave a little twitch.

Their biggest fight had been about Kurt's need for theatrics. They had even broken up for a while.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, the smile going down with it.

It was an impasse for them because Kurt would not change who he was no matter how much he loved Blaine, and Blaine had to decide whether he loved all of Kurt or just some of him. In the end Blaine had made a decision in favor of their relationship, but the close call had made Kurt more cautious about what he let slip to Blaine. With every new Quirk that Kurt presented to him, he was afraid a scowl and a step back would follow. Eventually Blaine would look back on everything he was tolerating about the relationship and realize that there was nothing worth salvaging. That was Kurt's greatest fear, and the reason he seldom communicated his feelings. This was among the many confessions Kurt planned on explaining tonight. The memory of being alone in the apartment, trying not to stare at his phone or pictures of the two of them together, was enough to clear his head of theatrics. His hands shook a bit more and a muscle in his thigh began to twitch. He tensed it and released it again, and did it a few more times when he realized how good it felt.

Blaine didn't have a car. He preferred the novelty of New York Death Cabs and Kurt hated it. Blaine still paid for parking for his apartment, so Kurt always had an empty space. After the incident with Rachel everyone took more precaution about walking around the city alone at night, and Blaine had insisted that he would not let Kurt park blocks away and walk up to the apartment, something that anyone with a car had to do in New York City. The only walking he had to do was right across the street to the call box and then up the stairs.

With any luck he would be going up the stairs.

Rachel crept into his mind as he pulled into the spot and he sat there for a moment thinking about her. Wondering if he should call and make sure she was all right, or else at least make sure that she wasn't alone anymore. Then again, if she wasn't alone he would surely be interrupting something and if she was alone, she would probably be asleep or else she would have called him back. He couldn't afford to worry about her right now. He had done enough worrying, and pushing, and crying, and comforting, and sitting around for that girl. He had put her in the middle of his relationship too many times, whether for her benefit or his own. He would always do it too. Every time she needed him and all over again if that be the case, god forbid. But in this moment, he had to take care of himself. He had to take care of him and Blaine. While there was still a 'him and Blaine' to take care of.

He put his keys in his coat pocket after he slammed the door of his car and didn't waste a second walking towards the sidewalk, and then across the street. New York was already cold, in the beginning of Fall. There wasn't any snow yet, but it was close. He had learned to recognize the winters and even to like them. Now it just added to his romantic scene and he couldn't help but hope for a snowflake or two to help him as he stood on the concrete stoop of the apartment building. The buzzer was always louder than he thought it would be. He never thought about it exactly as it sounded either. He always thought it would be harsh but even, when really it sounded like it needed a new battery. The tones rising up and then going dim before giving a final loud honk. He always pictured living a less than glamorous life of a rising star in the city, but somehow after you had your thousandth bowl of ramen noodles and spent a week with no sleep worrying about how you were going to pay rent, the artistic glamours of the life of a struggling actor wore thin. He waited, hands in his pocket, for a few seconds before buzzing again. He waited a few more seconds and buzzed again… Blaine's voice was groggy and tired over the speaker, but it made Kurt smile. It painted the perfect picture of Blain in his pajamas, messy hair and dizzy expression, wiping his hand down his face as he tried to collect himself. He really missed his boy.

"Hello?"

"Blaine. I need to talk to you."

"Kurt? It's one in the morning…"

"Please?"

There was a long pause. Too long of a pause for Kurt's over-emotional mind to handle. He jammed the button down again.

"You don't have to let me up but I have to talk to you."

"Hold on I'm getting clothes on."

So no pajamas then.

Kurt waited on the stoop, realizing he wasn't getting up that easily. This previously easy endeavor was starting to appear more difficult with each second he waited and overanalyzed. He went back over his speech in his mind a few times before he saw Blaine's tired frame through the glass in the door. He opened the door but stayed near the frame, his foot making sure that it didn't close.

"What is it Kurt?"

He swallowed, licked his lips, and tried to tell himself that Blaine's short temper was because of the late hour, not because of their argument.

"You were right. But I'm right too."

He licked his nips nervously. "I'm not ready to move in with you and not just because I apparently have boundary issues and a mean streak…We have everything…and that's a lot to lose, Blaine." Breathe. Pause. "And you're not supposed to be with me. I keep waiting for the ball to drop and for everything that I count on to be gone. I don't feel worthy of you. I've never felt worthy of _anything_ good in my life, and the one time I took something good for granted…she died."

Blaine took in a breath to speak

"Please let me finish. Please just…don't talk." He didn't wait for confirmation before he continued. "I count on you for a lot. The important things…like who to call when something exciting happens or when something bad happens, who to invite when I go see my dad and Carole and who to sit on the couch and just be quiet with. It was easier to try and push you away then to even think about the idea that you might walk away…and I know me jumping to that conclusion every time pisses you off to no end but I have to do it, Blaine. I have to throw it out there because I need you to keep brushing it off like it's not even an option to walk away from me."

He shuffled his feet. His confidence level was reaching its edge. Not to mention the scene they had both constructed on the porch of Blaine's apartment was pretty comical and if anyone walked around them to press the call button to be buzzed in, then Kurt would have to laugh.

"As important as you are to me, Rachel is that important too. She may be infuriating and dramatic and annoying most of the time but…we get each other. So not living with you is about me, but it's about Rachel too and you _have_ to grow up. You have to forgive me for not knowing if I loved you as a _junior_. I've grown a lot for this relationship and now it's your turn. You have to forgive me for that and get past it because otherwise I _know_ we won't work."

"Kurt-"

"And I do love you and I do want us to work-"

"Kurt-"

"and when you just walked out I-"

"Kurt!"

Kurt stopped, his cheeks flushed and his eyes wide. Confidence and Kurt were like one entity but around Blaine Kurt was helpless. He was unfamiliar with love and relationships with anyone but Blaine and this fact made conversations like this far and few between. Blaine smiled and shook his head.

"You have to tell me stuff, Kurt." He wasn't angry, but he seemed a little exasperated. "As much as I wish I could, I can't read your mind. When something's wrong you can't hide it or blow it off just because you think if I know what's wrong I'll walk away." He stepped forward and grabbed Kurt's face in his hands, smiling softly. "I'm here for the good and the bad, and walking away from you _isn't_ an option." Blaine took his hands away from Kurt's face and grabbed Kurt's small hands in his. "I'll forget about that argument, if you start trusting me." Kurt smiled and nodded

"Ok."

Blaine smiled and leaned in and Kurt couldn't help but smile into the kiss. No matter what fight they got into, it was always better when he could finally sigh in relief and put their lips together. Like some kind of glorious peace treaty until the next battle would rage, each time the battles becoming less and less of what they were. Ebony hair, pale skin, a smile parting full lips…How could anyone put up a resistance to this?

Kurt cleared his throat, the irony of his next sentence causing his cheeks to flame.

"That all being said…mind if I stay tonight?"

The expression on Blaine's face turned from confusion to amusement in a second and his laugh was strong and teasing. "Alright." The word was shaky with laughter as he hugged Kurt to him and led him inside the doorframe. Even Kurt could admit that this felt ridiculous…delicious in its drama…but also ridiculous.


End file.
